Became a sportsperson at age 13 , graduated on full sports scholarship at 19, joined Indian Airlines as an air hostess, fell in love with a work colleague from another community, married at 23 knowing it would end her career, re-entered the workforce in 30s as a mother of two, burnt her candle on both ends traveling the world for work as well as managing her home, lived alone making friends like family for the last decade and death cleaned with clinical precision well before her time came. This could well be the life of a millennial like us – spiritual not religious, with more friends than family in their inner circle, but nope! Gool Manekshaw Engineer Edward was a Baby Boomer born at the end of the Silent Generation and literally dying to leave the world behind when we decided to distract her from the pain. We thought our Shibira’s Knowledge Hive could, through tracking Gool’s life, spotlight the resources & mental health tools required to live the human experience in its intense muddy fullness. Gool agreed on the condition that she have first n full rights of approval. We agreed. She did. Here we go with our Daily with Gool …
Gool’s 3rd Cross was her Social News Feed. Try it on your street. May bring a dollop of happiness!
Millennial’s like us have made a trend out of sneaking into DMs of people we watch online on Instagram or facebook newsfeeds. Baby Boomer Gool did exactly the same after watching the time we hit the road for our evening walks and sleuthing about our involvement with community dogs and animals welfare! She met us near our house a few years back. She was clearly in wait. Stoically she asked that we solve a problem of a stray dog disturbing evening walks of her old relatives. Immediately our backs stiffened. But the way she said “old” relatives with a fierce body stance of a wild mustang and perfectly coiffed white hair amused us. It took a few days of work as the middle aged stray dog was grieving the loss of two of his mates but like other Community dog carers solve problems, we solved Gool’s problem. After a few evenings she snuck into our DMs aka our bell rings to a man who hands over a letter wrapped around what felt like a bottle. “It’s nearing its expiry date and I am still half way through the previous bottle. I hate waste, please use it. My relatives can now walk freely in their lane. Thank you.” To our minds the gumption to send the Olay milk to us, virtual strangers, to avoid waste, was a gesture as cool as it was unique. That’s how she sneaked into our busy offline work and farmer lives, became a friend, the first friend to visit Shibira and the kind of friend we have since wished on everyone. Being her friend and caring for her was a privilege. Our friendship grew organically. No Pity about the ‘oh poor elder living alone’ from our side and no judgment about ‘forever busy headless chicken couple’ from her side.
Do Goals bring purpose to life? No. They do bring temporary meaning. Create some.
The Saturday morning sun was still too sleepy to rise and shine. We met Gool again walking in one of our leafy Koramangala lanes. The red shoes stood out. She waved us down. On hearing we were off to our farm in Sakleshpur, she leaned into the car, her eyes dancing – “next time you have to take me too.” In the week that followed a perfectly buttered Pau arrived with perfectly made hot bhaaji with a note – Its one of my specialties. Top it with onions coriander and lemon i am sending separately. Enjoy! How was the trip to the farm? When are you going next. I would like to come too. ”. We sent some Punjabi chole back in her vessel with a note, “Thanks for the treat Mam it was just like how the street vendors make on chowpatty beach! Mrs Edward, the drive to our farm is 240 km one way so if we take you for the day the drive back is another 240 km. It will be extremely tiring for you. We cannot stay there overnight as it is a rough and tough place with no home stay yet. We live there in a tent. It is not comfortable .” Facts “No you cant go” firmly (and coldly) delivered like a millennial. End of Story. Or so we thought!! Every time we met her on the road thereafter, she started out with “I want to go to your farm in Sakleshpur“. Its like that became her Goal and what a chase she gave it at the mercy of total strangers (us)!
Other than musing over why the bungalow she came out of had two name plates, we had never entered the house, had never met anyone living inside. Knowing that there was a widow living alone inside was a bridge too far as one of us was always out of town travelling for office work, farm work or pleasure. “We can take my car,” she offered in another roadside discussion pointing to the Toyota Qualis standing in her driveway. We smiled. A day before Christmas our bell rings. The keyhole shows her and a young lady. Huh! “I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. ” The first time in our lives when we got Anand motichoor Ladoos for Christmas. We kid you not!
A few weeks later she sent this pink slip :-
Gobsmacked is a word that fits and we had no response. Sure enough the sauce came with another note. We sent back a banana bread with a letter, “The sauce was indeed as yumm as you said it was ! Since you mentioned cake, you will like this made from organic Yellaki bananas from our Sakleshpur farm . Don’t worry we used dates sugar.” And pat came a box of Chocolates with a note of how much she enjoyed the cake with her morning coffee.
Gool caught us leaving town in the wee hours of another Saturday morning and again expressed her desire to come along. But Mrs Edward when was the last time you had such a long drive. It can be unsafe. There is no medical facility anywhere close by in case you need it, Maybe we can take a family member along with you? “ Her face clouded with hurt feelings written all over -” I live alone and nobody needs to be told or asked. I am not sick. I have no disease. I take no medicine other than one diabetes tablet” she said. Proudly she turned away from the car walking off with the hunch back so typically parsi. Somehow it was more visible today. We battled our fears and drove after her throwing caution to the winds and asked – Are you free to go next Saturday Mrs Edward? A smile lit her face and with twinkling eyes she said – Yes I am ! Pick me up at 5.30 AM. I will be ready!
If Joy doesn’t come and it is what you want, should you go seek it? Yes! You never know where it leads.
The next weekend a comfortably dressed Gool in her red shoes , a neatly packed overnighter plus her own quilt, was in our back seat – a picture of pure happiness! She started looking pale as we reached Nelamangala toll. Nothing a good breakfast cannot sort out or so we thought. But no she looked positively dizzy within 10 km after the breakfast pit stop! Worried we offered to turn around “ I do get car sick sometimes I should have carried a medicine. Stop at a chemist and I know what tablet to buy, Sorry“ is all she said calmly. Rest of the 180 odd km of winding road Gool either hummed along with the old songs we put on for her pleasure or grinned at us or was lost in thoughts staring at the landscape rushing by or simply slept on our car pillow. Ironically it has LIVE written all over it. She did not mind that only our daschund Limo used it when travelling . Here’s the spectacle :-
At the Farm she sipped from her glass of majjige and happily munched Chitranna made by a villager who sends us meals when we visit. She spoke about Humata, Hukhta, and Huvarshta. She sat quite comfortably on the stone bench under a guava tree in Siyara Estate coffee drying yard part of our Farm. We stared and sometimes gulped our majjige as we listened to her. We had to ! She just quoted the teachings of Zoroastrian prophet Ahura Mazda verbatim! We asked if she wanted to and could trek a little bit to visit the Goddess in our sacred grove. She jumped up with excitement, we must visit the Devi and seek blessings for your Shibira idea. From then on, she was turbo charged roaming everywhere, asking questions, admiring the coffee blossoms that precede coffee cherries and delighting as the irrigation system caught her and us in its shower. I think we forgot she was 75 years old. When we headed to the pond for inspection, she jumped to follow. We must not do this. We feel you have exerted enough for one visit, we said. She protested but was driven off to our friend’s home nearby.
Oh My ! the classy lady knew luxury when she saw it. She spent the next hour exploring our friends Sarita & Ajeeth Pinto’s exquisite fashionable home near the backwaters. After a night of noisy and deadly snoring she woke up full of ideas at the crack of dawn on how to make Shibira. Most importantly she brought out her food goodie bag with cheese, cookies, nuts, croissant, cakes and cheese crackers. It was hilarious because we knew Pinto’s pantry is generally overflowing with goodies, as we’ve been coming to the house since its first bricks were being laid. Sarita had stocked more knowing that we would be staying overnight for the first time with an elder. We happily made Gool happy by eating whatever she offered. Too loathe to take her back to the farm with the sun shining hot and bright, we asked the team to come to our friends’ place for meetings. She spoke to those who could understand her animatedly and when it was time to leave, she pulled out a fancy letter pad and a pen and sat down to write a beautiful note for our friends.
The letter held glowing praise for their home. Clearly Gool recognised how precious it was that old artifacts & doors etc from broken down churches were used innovatively (dining table/bedstead). We would only find out a few years later how Gool knew so much about artifacts. On the way back she asked to be taken to the Shetty Halli church and winked – I’ve popped my car sickness pill. She neither slept nor stopped talking till we reached Bangalore. As we waited for her to open her locks and enter her house, she looked back and with the same twinkling eyes not tired at all said, “I’m going back again next time you are! And she did!
Soon she started keeping in touch. Our vegetarian food exchange started with a hilarious whatsapp message she sent and then one day she invited herself for lunch and decided the menu of mangalore fish curry and fried bangada. We warned her about our housefull of dogs and she did not seem to mind. Was she lonely ? We think she had finetuned the art of thriving in an urban jungle – alone yes but more often than not, never lonely…not really…not in the dictionary meaning of the term.
Both Warm and Cold it is us who curate relationships.
Our relationship with Gool developed more like a mirror to each other aiding a helpful understanding of self. Lately it has indeed become that of children with their mother. A very stylish, regimented, straight forward parent who is as warm and funny as she is sharp and strict. It wasn’t always like this because Gool was first and foremost our friend. We’ve seen her being vulnerable and sharing herself which created for others a safe space and this is how she built connections that brought meaning and friends into her life – in a non-ageist way. She had healthy boundaries and was never guilty for having to say no. She took the time she needed, dissected issues for as long as she wanted, garnered resources whether it was travel, food coma, or actual therapy to tackle resentment and anger, and then she forgave. “We can never be free if we don’t forgive”. She was kind and patient with herself and the world even when it was hard. We think she was very good at connecting the Dots, creating her own version of a sense of community and it all came from living a life in a rigorous way. She had self curated whatever that was hers with her own hands. Her tools – food, music, curated gifts, simple notes on mobile or paper and a good personality. People did not just notice her ; They remembered her.
Last year October, we were organising a party for a friend who was turning 50 while on a holiday in India. Gool made it clear she had to come, with the same firmness that she went to Sakleshpur. After playing around and trying to dissuade her as the club was in middle of town, she finally agreed to a chaperon who would accompany her back n forth. Our woman friday picked her up in the evening and brought her to the party venue where she ate , drank, cried, gave a speech, cracked jokes and had a blast ! She also created more memories, especially for the birthday girl Karine .
How to deploy tools to keep your mind healthy and sadness at bay.
Covid was driving the world crazy with loneliness. With an instruction of no walking, Gool started mentally slipping away with the complete isolation. One day we told her Aunty you are depressed. Shift in with us please. She refused to be a “burden”. It is then we introduced the idea – would you like to try adult art – painting a mandala?. Yes ! At the speed of light she painted mandalas furiously and so neatly that she became an expert at it. We bought her more Mandala colouring books everytime the previous one finished and she chose the colour pencils – I got Camel pencils. They are better than the Faber Castle pencils you bought for me, sharper colours and more shades. She instructed us to go to another friend of hers down the lane, a few years older, who she thought was also suffering similarly from isolation. Give her my book and ask her to try the unfinished ones. Take some of my colour pencils – only some Faber Castle one’s. Rest I need! Huh! Okay – We can buy for Sheroo Aunty too. No, let her try first with mine. If it gives her peace she or her son can buy for her. Her Women Supporting Women vibe was so evident just like it was evident that Gool took space and protected her space.
She got great delight that some of her Mandala paintings were sold in a fund raiser for street dogs and signed them happily. We should frame these , its nicer. We told her about Raj our favourite framer who would do it cheaply. Next thing we know she was preparing for a brisk walk to meet Raj to discuss a bargain price for framing many of her paintings. Please. you can’t risk getting covid in the ST Bed marketplace where his shop is. When her eyes started to ache with the painting, we introduced her to a puzzle from Holland. By the time she was not even done with it, she was her old smiling sunny self. The covid created depression was firmly behind her! After that she knew what to do ! Everytime she found herself slipping into a “mood” she had a plan which started with an instruction to us – Could you come today evening at 6. I have something to discuss!
So from self distributing mangoes from her farm to all the neighbours middle of covid, to knitting mufflers and monkey caps for her help and her friends far & near, from fostering a stray for a few hours before they went off for adoption, to throwing “well done” get togethers for animal welfare volunteers who aced the adoption, from asking that she be taken for walks late at night, to accompanying us unannounced to surprise animal welfare volunteer Debaleena on her birthday, from agreeing to plug our Firestick into her TV and making it smart for Netflix and Prime, to painstakingly learning how to navigate the two remotes to watch movies and switch to news, Gool used everything that she could get and kept herself healthily sane. The wild mustang like personality that she showed us quite often made us introduce her to Heartland, a multigenerational saga of a horse farm in Alberta, Canada. We did not think she would but oh my god Gool watched through all 17 seasons!
Gifting things of value is great. Thinking what gift will be of value to another is tough. Do that harder thinking.
When Shibira was almost ready she asked us to come home to collect something. It was a steel dinner service – compartment plates, spoons, and serving vessels! “They are for Shibira and when you take me there, let’s take this and do a housewarming of the kitchen and Fireplace.” , she said. It was impossible to imagine that she knew that a father who engaged with us in our adventurous life had passed on and the mother and father we had now showed zero interest in Shibira and one of them often mocked it as a flight of fancy … “our normal fancy”. To date, that gift remains the only “new” thing in Shibira’s Fireplace pantry. Rest as we explained in our Story “Trends Die” are used hand me downs from friends and family which new and old friends keep replenishing.
Almost always its not people who inspire you. Its what they do
One day she called to say to come over at 6 PM sharp to meet a friend of hers. She wanted us and her to meet since we too lived a sustainable life and ran a sustainable farm like her Sustainability expert friend. It was at this meeting that we recognised her friend from all over the city hoardings and newspapers as Tanishq’s 2022 ad campaign model. In today’s world its called Women Supporting Women! While it’s a pity we have to paraphrase from the two pages of Ode’ that the friend, Odette Katrak, we met that day few years ago, sent last week about Gool, we must. “ Sweet, smiling, stoic are the 3 words that come to mind still after eight years. On evening walks n Shobha Mayflower, we’d smile at each other, became walking friends, then friends who visited each other’s homes. Aunty Gool had a sense of balance in all she spoke. Righteous indignation was visible only when things disturbed her strongly coded sense of right and wrong. ” We made Gool read the two pages and she was amazed at the impact the relationship had created on Odette and even remembered to discuss it with her when she came to see her next! We have chosen this above portion from Odette’s Ode’ to Gool because that truly is a knowledge for this Hive we are trying to create in our Sacred Grove. The knowledge that ….
It is ok to not have chuddie buddies. Age limit for friendships is a trope!
Gool Engineer was a well known figure in Ahmedabad and had a fan club in Gujarat as the state representative in the Table Tennis Nationals. But growing up Gool was considered weird, different and a show off. She did not like to play with toys, dolls, skip rope or play hide n seek. She was passionate about sports and wanted to be an athlete of repute. The Tata Mill Club house was where she enjoyed her evenings as a child. TT and badminton attracted her the most as she would try to copy moves of the players and practice them against a wall. She would collect old bats, rackets, balls and shuttles from the Club and treasure them. She learnt to play billiards on an old table. Gool started playing in Table Tennis tournaments even before she could reach the TT Table. Her hardwork playing against the wall paid off. By the time she was in class 8 she started winning and turned pro!
“I would never miss a tournament whether it was an exhibition tournie or an invite one. Often I paid Rs 3 to play in a singles match. I played doubles with Subhash and both of us won each of the tournaments we participated in Gujarat. We lost in the finals when we started representing Gujarat. In Maharashtra we got runners up or became semi finalists as at that time Bombay was ruling in everything including Sports”, she says. For a person who had no friends, Gool had an entire stadium crying because they wanted her to win the 1962 singles tournament finals which she lost to Usha Sundaraj. “That is such a striking memory for me, I indeed had friends. I couldn’t see them all but they saw me! she says.
Its ok to not be a a favourite child . Those who will favourite you, will arrive
When the Barbie movie came out we forced her to watch some of it and this is the message she sent after “Honestly,I would definitely not want to conform to “their” Idea of a Barbie doll. I would say ‘ get lost’. Indeed she was a rebel, just like a lot of millenials and Gen Z. My family was not very happy with me. My mom’s consistent refrain was You are a girl. One day you will get married and have kids. You need to learn to cook, sew, knit embroidery etc and equip yourself to look after the general well being of your family. I tried and learnt as well but no attempt at “girly” things made her happy. They worried that I would fall in love with one of the players. There were rumours that me and my partner Subhash would get married but thankfully nobody printed it in the papers. Despite my assurances that I wouldn’t strike a love match on the TT or badminton fields, my father was always apprehensive that I, not my family would choose who I would marry. So I just let it be the way it was and did my thing.” Her fame and sporting achievements representing Gujarat earned her a fully paid sports scholarship for under grad studies in Xaviers Ahmedabad where too she kept winning or shining in every Table Tennis game. This was 1960s and her father saw the rebel his daughter was! His fears came true when Gool chose to apply for a crew position in the Indian Airlines and British Airways. Her father had hid the acceptance letter from British Airways. The Indian Airlines offer letter apparently missed his notice! At 19 on graduation, Gool wore the Indian Airlines flight attendant saree and flew the coop.
Its ok to not be a Gujarati, a Christian, a Parsi, a Bombayite, a Bangalorean. Be You.
Travelling and meeting Travellers gave her the chutzpah to show her own oomph! Look at this photo of hers ! By the time this was taken she was chosen to fly on flights overseas especially to Kathmandu, Nepal ; Karachi, Pakistan and Colombo, Sri Lanka. Her flying career she says brought her skills and joy, a fascination with airplanes and their engines, about cultures in various Indian cities in India and abroad, many free tickets and the skill of draping a saree in 5 minutes flat – a magical skill she wanted to pass on to us everytime we bemoaned an occasion that required a saree or she saw anyone in a badly draped saree.
To wrest Agency over your life, you must first like yourself…a lot!
This was the 1960s!!! Sharmila Tagore was wearing the bikini and getting married to Tiger Pataudi . Gool was blazing her own trail out of the spotlight. She met and fell in love with an airplane engineer, a Christian and they both started planning a life together! Marrying itself meant she would be fired from Indian Airlines. Married flight attendants were allowed only after women won a court case in the 1980s in India. Marriage would not be acceptable to her Parsi community. She did it anyway.
Even if we ignore honour killings as odd one offs in current era, what is universally true is that young women and girls struggle with some freedoms. And yet in 1960s when patriarchy was solidly rooted in society and only a few challenged the norms, Gool wrested agency over her life and did that without any role models at home or any mentors outside. How ? She says simply , ” By following the three Rs. Respect for Self. Respect for Others and Responsibility for all my actions. And It was a huge Responsibility she took of her life at 23! Parsis were not accepting as they are now. She lost her family and to hope that life was a picnic with her new orthodox christian family was a bridge too far. The act must have been tremendously isolating, we ask her. Yes and I had no childhood friends, my entire identity became of Gool Sam Edward and mom to Anupama and Atul.
Re-entering the workforce in her 30s as a mother of two!
“I had to go back to work”, she says simply skipping the detail that while her family life was great, she made friends in church , made peace with many Parsi relatives, made many more Parsi friends, entertained and was entertained , kept beautiful homes in Bombay and Nasik , went for long drives for fresh strawberries and fish, her husband Sam Edward’s health was slipping. He was forced to skip work often till a time came that overwhelmed with health issues he took an early retirement. She joined part time at Nagpada Neighbourhood House (NNH), a social service organisation (that still exists in a different form) which at the time offered skill based livelihood to underprivileged women and young girls. Gool travelled to the remote parts of the country procuring handicrafts from village industries and marketing them to high profile clients. Other than sporting love, the skills and the craft of Indian fabrics was in Gool’s blood as her father was a textile engineer with the Tatas. A typical scouting and audit trip would take her to – Trivandrum , Parashala , Matandrum, Nagercoll, Naioor and Kanyakumari and all the way back – to meet the actual craftsmen and working women. From Nasik , like quite the quintessential working millennial she travelled to Bombay to Work from Office every third day and Worked from Home the rest of the days. Most of her relatives had outgrown her transgression of marrying out of her community and came to stay with her from Mumbai and Gujarat. The world was changing. Many were marrying outside their community decades after Gool blazed the trail on basis of conviction and the three Rs.
How to make Friends and influence people.
This second coming and stepping out of her comfort zone brought in life long rewards – Friends she missed making in childhood, school and college. Sushil Raj who met her as a social sector professional Mrs Edward acquiring handicrafts from underprivileged women is a friend now for 40 years. He refers to Gool as The Engineer (which also happened to be her maiden name ) who engineered her way into everybody’s hearts through a a very pleasant amiable and charming personality. “Gool’s smile and words centre my soul. A rare mould of almighty she was quite an amazing person when I first met her working with my mom Edith who managed the society of women’s work in the border town near Parnasala (now in Telengana)”. Nikam who met her as a social service professional and his family was in sandal wood artifacts which Gool’s NGO supported believes Gool was such a natural that she did not need to read books like How to win friends and influence people. “Perfect manners, well-groomed personality, a genuine interest in people she met, a sympathetic ear and good advice endeared her to everyone”, says Nikam.
When we told Gool what her friends were saying about her, she grinned from her sick bed – “great that they are! Because I can’t talk about myself and my professional life like that. It was great work that took me places and made me meet tons of people. I loved flying and travelling. I used the stash of free tickets from my and Sam’s work in Indian Airlines to spread the network of my NGO and visited various countries. In America she liked what she saw so much that when an NRI based in California, a pious hindu, came to ask her daughter’s hand in marriage, she gave them her blessing to start courtship which eventually led to marriage!
Now Gool a Parsi born in Gujarat, married to a Christian from Maharashtra had a Hindu son in law from Karnataka who lived in United States of America! Gool’s Gen Z granddaughter knows nothing about her friendless childhood. She only knows her grandma as the popular person wherever she lived and an avid traveller, whether it was Nasik where she shifted from Bombay when Sam retired or Bangalore where she shifted when Sam needed more care or Los Angeles or Australia or….
Luck is a bad gamble. Play to and with your Strengths.
“When I met Aunty Gool Sam uncle had passed away by then and she lived alone, Odette says. She became our family friend and in her very dignified demeanour I saw the similarity with Queen Elizabeth and indeed she was, as the Parsis say ‘apri rani’! (See Photo below I took )
When the Queen decided to pare her life’s belongings and move to Bombay to her son, I helped and sent her off knowing that her precious collections from all over the world and her grand ma had found loving homes. As Gool’s luck would have it, Bombay lost its charm pretty quickly and she came back to Bangalore to live alone in her daughters’ house in Koramangala. This community was a Tony layout, and living here is far more lonelier than the gated apartment living she was used to with Sam and alone as a widow.
By the time, Gool in her 70s, stood waiting for us to solve the stray dog problem for her relatives who we now knew were in laws of her daughter, she had already formed deep friendships. We spoke to a few who are her friends here.
Kaushalya Gopal admires her journey of being a national level table tennis player in her prime, an airhostess and a working professional till retirement. “ Her journey is striking amidst her personal life, health challenges and death of her husband. She bravely picked up her life in this neighbourhood with amazing spirit and optimism with the firm belief and hope that life would treat her better.“
Purnima Jayaram says it was Gool’s classy demeanour and genuineness that made her immediately take a liking to her. “I could see what a kind and loving heart she had for all her friends which included our locality’s community dogs. She handled her health issues with great independence, never showed pain or discomfort and always got back to her evening fitness walks with a smile on her face. I appreciate knowing and learning from her how to deal with the ups and downs that we face in our life everyday. Though our friendship is not old and in fact it was brief she is a beautiful and wonderful person.”
There is one senior resident who is neither her neighbour nor a walking partner nor a friend. When we asked Murali what he remembered about Gool he said he was struck with her poise and demeanour. “I recall the house was spotlessly clean – a case of a place for everything and everything in its place. Her slight frame ,twinkling eyes and a confident smile was a pleasure to behold. It must come from her sporting life and social work which I learnt about in that one meeting.”
Her neighbour Reeta recalls fondly how she would handle all her online grocery shopping and gushes over “How beautiful and courageous Gool is and how she handled her problems herself without any complaints and was always smiling!”
Elephant in this Room
Cancer. Gool never had any health issues and took virtually no medicines. When the UTI like pains started during Covid she did a deep dive with her limited resources, spoke to women friends, took their advice and sought solutions from general physicians to Gynaecologists. Impatient to get to the root cause she flew alone to Bombay to meet her friends from her working life – a Mother daughter duo , both accomplished gynaecologists. Diagnosed as Stage 3 cancer Gool declared she would head back to Bangalore and ask us to help her with the treatment!
We did. This is her on her first visit to the Apollo oncologist looking like a barbie doll. But Doll she wasn’t! Constantly assessing the doctor’s communication style and advice, she only submitted herself to their care if she was fully convinced that they cared.
Cut to a few months later and radiation treatment broken by an ankle fracture she got while visiting Shibira with her daughter , she was declared cancer free. “Gool is a fighter. Patients with positive thought processes in their lives do much better than who are pessimistic. It is true not only by experience but scientifically. It boosts the immune systems and tumour control. “ says her Radiation Oncologist, Dr M S Belliappa at the time in Apollo and now in Aster.
She was back to her morning and evening walks, throwing tea parties and celebrating festivals and birthdays. She did it like nobody else can! Whether it was to celebrate a spate of adoptions of rescue our team had successfully managed, or Sam’s birthday on 3rd October, Gool threw the best parties and cooked the most delectable food that ranged from Parsi to Bombaiya. Despite aversion to milk (she runs for her life when it comes boiling up) , she would brave it all because those delicacies were needed to balance her party spread. The only instructions to us were to organise the tea for her parties.
India is ages behind treatment of Cancer but we do have excellent Pain & Palliative care
A year back when the UTI like symptoms returned she ensured we had a plan for all preventive treatment. She would very politely but firmly organise us to organise her hospital visits. During these visits to the hospitals, she was clear in her demands from doctors and always deceptively polite watching for doctor’s manner of speaking and explaining. The hospital files were always organised with not a single paper or report missing. She went to all appointments with a list of symptoms written down and handed it over right at the outset instead of tiring herself out saying the symptoms she was already tired of bearing. When it was certain that the cancer was back she thought about it. “I am not afraid of dying but I want to organise for my care so I don’t suffer”, she said. Finally she opted for pain and palliative care with St John’s after rejecting one at Aster in November 2023. With that settled she went ahead to live her normal life loving everyone who loved her including the street dogs. But fear was creeping in and she became scared of being alone. We were told, Everytime you are not in station, the very thought makes me anxious and then I become nervous. I’m no more a giant. My inner strength is ebbing.“. One of us started staying back or we started making only day visits to Shibira and when it was impossible because of farm work we would leave for a day without telling her so she would not get anxious that we weren’t in town. One tool to keep her in the dark about our absence was a Indian Express newspaper. We started taking a second newspaper and would send it to her with a pink slip daily at 11 am. This would be done even when we weren’t in town and she would be none the wiser about our absence. For months, till her eyes sight dwindled, she read two newspapers daily keeping her mind sharp.
Death Cleaning. Yes! that’s what she did with no idea that its called Death Cleaning
This sanguine activity started 6 months ago two months after St John team started visiting her every friday starting Jan 1 2024. She started speaking to lawyers on how to keep a document that detailed what’s to be done with her body if she passed away since she lived alone most of the time. Suddenly she called us one day to read and sign a document that detailed that we were in charge of her funeral arrangements and she wanted her ashes to be flown in water. Clean Water was underlined. The document was signed by her children in their next visits. That done, out came her precious memories and “things” including pearl purses, precious chiffon and Parsi sarees. She made a list of everything she wanted to give away and called each person to tea and handed her pre-loved things over or shipped them off to friends in other cities. We know we will treasure the gold plated miniature Airbus lapel pin she gave us which belonged to her airline days and the sarees she insisted we have as they would magically dent our “pathetic saree sense” into shape! But can I please have the red shoes! we asked. No, she said. After I go then you can. I love my walks in them!
Mini a neighbour who cooks and sells simple home made food got to know her during this time. “ When she first asked me to send food for her , little did I imagine that the relationship would turn out to be so much more. Gool is an ocean of love, composed, warm, soft spoken and thankful for the little things you do including a sending a little sweet along with her food. The positivity around her is hard to describe with words and faith so daring beyond what eyes can see. We brood over small things but aunty is braver than anyone can think and stronger than anyone can believe. “
Priya who visits her parents in Winter, Gool’s neighbours says,” I would run into her on her daily walk in the evenings accompanied by her trusted local fandog and bodyguard, Mowgli aka Blackie, and her face would break into a wide and happy smile. Invariably delicious food, most often pau bhaji would follow. She was a knitter, and I benefited from that with two winter hats and a long scarf to add to my wardrobe, all of which come in very useful in climes less salubrious than Bengaluru. I know that I will miss my first walk down Third Cross to the house on the crossroads to see her. As for Mowgli, I know he will be bereft. We all are. There’s a little less light in the sky as autumn turns to winter, One of my favourite memories is celebrating her birthday some time ago, when she set out a table full of her favourite foods surrounded by several of us, her friends. Even when she was ailing over the last year, she’d confess she was tired or fed up but still break into a smile that wreathed her face. Some people just find joy in other people and she was one of them.
Her friend Purnima says “her acceptance to this terminal illness was with grace and strength both the times it struck and her decision to let it be was independent; Murali notes with admiration on how she openly mentioned her affliction in a recent post on the locality’s resident welfare whatsapp group.
On 1st January 2024 St John’s Pain & Palliative care team started visiting her at home the day we first started “writing” this article. First come first served she smiled giving her first “interview ” A team of two doctors and a junior doctor paid a visit at about 12 in the noon. They will come to provide guidance or any help needed once a week so that I don’t have to go to the hospital ever so often. This is free of cost. I am really amazed. This is called service to the sick and needy. I have decided to give a small donation to the hospital off and on.”
By January end Gool was offering the walker she used during her ankle fracture to a neighbour who broke her ankle! She was walking on her street but with help and her favourite streetie Blackie in toe. Any vessels sent with food were promptly cleaned and dropped into the bag on our gate..
We asked Gool as she hit her 80th a few weeks back – What shall we do for your birthday? No bagel like the 79th birthday, Promise! On the eve of her 79th she was anti cakes. The bad news had come in and all she wanted was a one way ticket out of the world. So we bought a cheese bagel, called some friends over and put a candle in its centre which she blew. She just couldn’t stop laughing at the ingenuity of the stressbuster idea! Here’s a memory focussed on her smile and the bagel !
Gool was in pain on her 80th birthday losing even the strength to turn or sit up and feeling awful. The funny bone was in tact. She said , We can try some Port Wine and , say cheers to me dying in my sleep ?! Done!
Highly amused at the writing on the 80th birthday cake she said – Yeah why grow only 5ft 2 inches approximately my size, Grow taller Live bigger. But good headline for the article you are writing . Ok then that’s the headline we will use, we promised her. And we have!
Sharing port wine as she lay in her death bed to celebrate her 80th birthday there were no tears, just a joint prayer from Gool and us that her end be eventless. Unlike her eventful life. It was a tall ask as we know now. Her spirit struggled to leave …was literally dying to leave the world.
Mostly lucid she explained what she saw in her dreams – her parents were there around her the entire September. I need new specs because I can’t read well, it was amazing to hear this. We can get the lense upgraded , we offered, .She smiled and the old Principal Gool was back for a second No Child, that’s not how upgrade of my kind of specs works. Any kind of Food talk would enrage her so meals took a while and many suggestions and games to play for her to choose one and eat that. We had started keeping a tab on her daily food & fluid intake in a diary which made her furious because now there couldn’t be any verbal duels of how much she ate. But the brilliant mind she was she started listening after a few episodes of feeling delirious. On 1st October she asked us for her favourite chicken sandwich from Theobrahma. On October 3 we discussed what’s going on in the world and agreed to do some palate cleansing of the morphine taste with caramel crunch ice cream from Om Nomm Nom. “Nice but I prefer the Mangalorean Gudbud ice cream that we usually eat together“.
This hand clasp on October 7th was her last conscious act. Loudly she asked us to call the doctor asking them to resolve her troubled breathing and that’s that. She passed away exactly 24 hours later breathing mostly peacefully from the oxygen mask.
We want to remember Aunty Gool like a curious puppy learning a complicated crochet stitch from this 10 year old child because the instructions on the print outs of the muffler design from the internet she was copying weren’t clear. The kid was fed a Tobler in exchange to practical session. Mrs Edward was no free loader, everything you did for her was paid back in full and then some.
We are all in the Queue to be fired from Life with no notice. Own your life story and share it
This was a memorial written while she was alive. She has read, reviewed and edited this Hive article. Lots of quotes from others and some commentary of ours have been removed. Why? Because she said she was a private person and her family is very private too so she wanted to check what was there on the internet about her and no controversies in her wake. Gool Manekshaw Engineer Edward was a control freak. That much is clear. This is no obituary. That should also be clear. Because ….
The Queen is dead . Long live the Queen.
And this is how we want to remember Gool. This is a memorial.
Our Teachers Day Sept 5. 2025 edit is up.Read How to gain Agency over your life and develop a High Agency Mindset.
On June 30th 2025 we published our 1st Anniversary Edition . Click here living-intentionally-can-make-all-time-a-quality-time/
Don’t miss our Feb 14th 2025 Valentines Day edit Make Space for All Kinds of Love – The Doctor Orders
Read Knowledge Hive’s first Christmas Post December 25th 2024 Click here to Read about tools & resources to use Fear to fight fear and Health Anxiety
Don’t miss our Third Post Click here to Read Live Life Gool Size – mental health resources & tools to age & fade away gracefully
Don’t miss our Second Post. Click Here to read A Zoe to Life – resources & tools to care for Aging Dogs
Shibira The Camp, Sakleshpur 